For most people, BDSM conjures up images of whips, chains, and handcuffs - kinky, naughty, and utterly taboo.

Journaling on the other hand is such a wholesome mainstream activity. You think of teenage girls sighing dreamily as they gush over their crush in the typical “Dear Diary” fashion with notebook pages covered in red hearts drawn around their first name paired with his surname.

Journaling and BDSM are not really two things that you would typically think go together but the truth is, they’re actually like two halves of a BFF necklace that fit together seamlessly. 

Using a shared journal in your Dom/Sub relationship is a great way to communicate your deepest desires, enhance sexual pleasure, facilitate deeper intimacy, and record your personal growth, both individually and within your relationship.

What Does BDSM Stand For?

Each letter in BDSM stands for a different type of adventurous role play within a consensual power exchange dynamic. Let’s explain:

Bondage and Discipline: This is the B and D in BDSM - think ropes, handcuffs and a bit of rule breaking. Bondage involves physically restraining your partner, which can range from simple handcuffs to more elaborate Shibari rope designs. Discipline, on the other hand, is about setting rules and enforcing punishment that can be playful or strict, depending on your relationship style.

Dominance and Submission: This is the core dynamic in many BDSM relationships, encapsulated by the D and S and is often written like this - D/s. This is where one partner takes control and the other partner submits to them.

Sadism and Masochism: Often misunderstood, the S and M of BDSM refers to a journey into the dichotomy of pain and pleasure. Sadism isn’t about causing pain for cruelty’s sake - it's about deriving pleasure from the act of inflicting pain knowing it’s craved by your partner. Masochism, meanwhile, is about finding pleasure in receiving pain. It’s important to remember that this pain is consensual, controlled, and desired by both partners.

All You Need to Know About Dom/Sub Relationships

First let’s get to grips with BDSM terminology. 

Dom - this is short for “dominant” and refers to the person in the dynamic that’s in control - the dominant partner. Dom’s are also called “tops” and if the Dom is a woman or identifies as femme, it’s often spelled “Domme”

Sub - this is short for “submissive” and refers to the person who surrenders their will to that of the dom - the submissive partner. Sub’s are also called “bottoms”. 

Switch - while it’s common for most people to enjoy being either the Dom or the Sub, as these involve very different power dynamics, sometimes a person likes to switch roles and explore both being in control and surrendering it. 

What is a Dom and Sub Relationship?

At its core, a Dom and Sub relationship is a consensual power exchange between partners, where one person (the Dom) agrees to take the authoritative role, and the other person (the Sub) agrees to yield. This dynamic is built on the pillars of mutual understanding, trust, clear communication, and mutual respect, making it a deeply emotional sexual activity.

In a Dom/Sub relationship, the sexual activity is not just about who's in charge and who follows, but about the shared satisfaction and desire they get from their chosen roles. 

The Dom doesn't simply command for the sake of control but guides the BDSM play under agreed terms, crafting scenes that cater to the sexual, emotional, and physical needs of both partners. 

The Sub, while seemingly in a more vulnerable position, holds significant power as well. Their submission is a gift, given out of trust and respect, not taken by force. 

What’s Involved in a Dom/Sub Relationship?

This is a relationship style where the saying “anything goes” is most fitting!

At first glance, you might think a dominant and submissive relationship is all about whips, chains, punishment, and dramatic commands. But there's a lot more going on beneath the surface. The essence of these relationships is the consensual exchange of power and control, and that can manifest in a myriad of ways, many of which aren't inherently sexual.

No two D/s relationships are exactly the same and can be adapted to fit lifestyles, personalities, and comfort levels. Whether it’s a 24/7 total power exchange or casual play within defined sessions, the structure is as flexible as the partners wish it to be.

The Dom/Sub dynamic can involve a variety of activities that range from physical restraint and sensory play to domestic discipline and role-play scenes. The activities chosen often depend on the preferences and limits agreed on by both partners. It could be as simple as performing specific tasks, maintaining certain postures, or following specific routines prescribed by the Dom. Or it can involve complex scenes, props and toys, and things like impact play that involve more planning and open communication to fine tune.

While sexual desire is often at the forefront of BDSM, the dominant and submissive relationship can also focus on non-sexual elements of power exchange. For some, the thrill comes from the control exerted over choices like clothing, food, or daily activities. For others, it's about the psychological play that involves rules, rewards, and punishment. 

D/s relationships can really take shape in whatever capacity you choose it to have in your life. 

Why Do Some People Prefer a Dom and Sub Relationship?

Have you ever been in a relationship where you just can’t seem to connect intimately with your partner and you’re left wondering how to truly satisfy them? Then it will be easy to understand the allure of Dom/Sub relationships where literally everything is on the table.

No secrets, no guesswork - It’s thoroughly refreshing!

Nothing is taboo, you can explore your kinkiest fantasies in a safe way no matter what they might be… 

And the best part? This kind of pure honesty is the norm, rather than the exception. 

The result is an all-consuming trust because you’re exploring those deep, hidden, and deliciously naughty parts of yourself while plunging into orgasmic ecstasy together. 

Whether you’re the Dom or the Sub, you’re pushed to explore your boundaries and get to know what really excites you on a whole new level. And the emotional connection that comes from this kind of vulnerability is intense!

Last but certainly not least - the fun factor is huge. Dom/Sub relationships provide a safe space for your sexual creativity to flow completely unleashed - whether it’s planning exciting scenes, picking out naughty props, or dreaming up spicy punishments, you get to play together in ways that keep your relationship fresh and exhilarating.

The Role of the Dom

The Dom takes the lead in the power exchange. Their role is not just about giving commands and catering to their own needs but also about tailoring the experience to meet the emotional and physical needs of their partner. A good Dom listens, understands, and acts with the Sub's consent and preferences at the forefront of every decision.

The Role of the Sub

The Sub offers their submission willingly and sets the limits for the relationship. While they follow the Dom's lead, their power lies in their ability to say "stop" at any time, which must be respected without question. Their role is active, not passive, and they play an important part in shaping the dynamics of the relationship.

How to be a Good Dom 

Being a good dominant partner is about more than being bossy, exerting control, and giving orders. Here are some best practices to set your Dom/Sub dynamic up for success.

The cornerstone of any Dom/Sub relationship is stellar communication. It's not just about laying out what you want - it's also about listening to your Sub. Regular check-ins can help you understand their boundaries, desires, and any concerns they might have. This ongoing, honest dialogue ensures that everyone is always on the same page.

Safety should be a priority always, especially when engaging in bondage, impact play, or any other type of pain. Knowing how to safely explore these acts safely is essential. Having a safe word is not optional - your Sub needs to feel empowered to stop play without fear no matter what. 

Patience is a virtue! Your Sub might need time to open up about their desires or may have boundaries that they're still exploring. Being supportive, respecting your Sub’s boundaries, and giving them space to grow within the bounds of the relationship can lead to more satisfying and deep experiences for both of you. Journaling with your submissive can help them to feel safe and trust you more as you work through any issues together.

The best Doms know that mastery is a never-ending journey. There's always more to learn about BDSM techniques, psychology, and even about your partner. Participating in workshops, reading up on new practices, and being open to feedback can make you a better Dom.

Common Misconceptions About Dom/Sub Relationships

Pop culture has a lot to answer for. Hollywood and sensationalized headlines have certainly done their bit in stirring up a whole hornet’s nest of myths and misconceptions. 

Let's debunk some of the big ones:

• It’s All About Violence: One of the most persistent myths is that Dom/Sub relationships are inherently violent. The truth? It’s actually all about consensual power dynamics. Yes, some people enjoy incorporating elements of pain into their play, but this is always negotiated, consented to, and performed in a controlled and safe environment. 

• It’s Dangerous: Thanks to some dramatic portrayals, there’s a misconception that these relationships are a one-way ticket to destroying your emotional well being. In reality, the BDSM community places an enormous emphasis on safety, consent, and mutual respect. Most practitioners follow the mantra of “safe, sane, and consensual,” and many will add “risk-aware consensual kink” (RACK) to that list, ensuring that all activities are conducted safely and with an honest understanding of the risks involved.

• It Equates to Abuse: This is a major myth. While abusive relationships can sadly exist in any context, a healthy Dom/Sub relationship is based on respect, clear boundaries, and explicit consent. Unlike abuse, where power is taken forcibly, in a Dom/Sub relationship, submission and control is given freely and can be taken back at any moment. The foundation of these relationships is trust, not coercion and the Sub does not fear their Dom.

• It's a Sign of Psychological Issues: Thanks to 50 Shades of Grey, some believe that those who engage in Dom/Sub dynamics must have underlying mental health issues or past traumas they are acting out. While this can of course be true, many people who explore facets of BDSM in their life are mentally healthy and find that these activities lead to personal empowerment, self discovery, improved mood, and better relationship satisfaction.

• It's Criminal or Deviant: Just because something is unconventional doesn't make it criminal. The activities within a consensual Dom/Sub relationship are legal as long as they adhere to all relevant laws regarding consent and harm. The idea of deviance is often in the eye of the beholder and is influenced heavily by cultural norms and personal biases.

Types of Dom/Sub Relationships

Just like vanilla relationships (you know, the non-kinky kind), the Dom/Sub dynamic comes in all flavors and styles. It can be romantic, purely physical, long-term, or just for a scene - you can customize it however you want to. Whether it's with someone of the same sex, multiple partners, or just a friend with benefits, the structure can be tailored to fit exactly what you and your partner(s) are looking for in life. 

Let’s explore some of the more common types of Dominant and Submissive relationships:

Master and Servant

This classic dynamic is all about service and control and basically the Dom acts as the master who has authority over the servant. The submissive partner provides services that can be domestic, sexual, or both to the dominant partner.

Bondage

This dynamic can range from light, playful tying to more complex methods of restraint. The submissive has to really feel secure to relinquish their ability to move and place themselves at the mercy of their dominant partner. 

Training Relationships

Think of this as an apprenticeship in BDSM. The Dominant sets the training regimen and acts as a mentor, teaching the Submissive various BDSM techniques and practices. The training can be general or tailored to specific skills like discipline, pain tolerance, or obedience.

Sometimes, training relationships evolve into or incorporate elements of pet play, where the Submissive takes on the role of a pet animal. The Dominant acts as the pet owner and cares for, trains, and sometimes disciplines their pet in a consensual roleplay situation.

Keyholders

This type of dynamic involves chastity play. The keyholder (dominant person) controls the desire and sexual release of the submissive through devices like a chastity belt or cock cage that prevent sexual stimulation. It’s a powerful exchange of control that can be incredibly erotic.

Caregiver/Little

This dynamic involves the dominant partner taking on a nurturing, protective role (Caregiver) while the submissive adopts a child-like state (Little). It’s not necessarily about age play per se but about care, guidance, and nurturing, providing a safe space for the Little to explore child-like innocence.

24/7

These relationships extend the BDSM dynamic into daily life, where the roles are maintained around the clock. It requires a deep level of commitment and communication to manage the rules of the constant power exchange effectively.

Dom/Brat

In this playful relationship, the Submissive adopts a more rebellious, provocative role and challenges the Dom to tame and discipline them. It’s a dynamic filled with playful resistance and pursuit.

Primal Play

Focuses on raw, instinctual behaviors and actions. It’s less about dominant or submissive roles and more about tapping into primal instincts like hunting, chasing, and capturing. 

Female Led Relationships

In female led relationships, the male is the submissive. The woman leads the relationship and makes the decisions in daily life and in the bedroom.

Tips for Exploring a Dom/Sub Relationship

Exploring a Dom/Sub relationship can be a thrilling journey, but like any good adventure, it pays to be prepared. 

Here’s how to get started on the right foot:

Do Your Research

Before you jump into the deep end with both feet, spend some time in the shallow waters. Read books, browse reputable websites, and even check out some podcasts about BDSM. Really understanding the psychological and emotional aspects, as well as the different dynamics and practices, will help you figure out whether dominance, submission or both resonates with you.

Decide Who You’re Playing With

Not just anyone will do when it comes to a Dom/Sub relationship. You should choose a partner who respects your boundaries and whom you trust. Whether it’s someone you’ve been with for a while or a new connection, make sure they’re enthusiastic about exploring BDSM with you.

Set Boundaries and Rules Clearly

Establishing boundaries and respecting boundaries are central to dominance and submission. Before you do anything, discuss what each of you is comfortable with, decide what your safe word is and be very clear about what is and is not OK. This is not a one-time conversation. It has to be ongoing as your feelings about things may change the more you explore. 

Safety First

Always prioritize safety. Safety encompasses more than just a safe word for physical safety but emotional and psychological care as well (especially if you are the submissive). If you’re trying new practices, make sure you know how to do them properly. Start slow, and if you’re unsure, seek advice from experienced members of the community or a kink-friendly therapist.

Also always make sure you are protected against STDs especially if you are exploring with different partners outside of a committed relationship. 

Try to Join a Supportive BDSM Community

There’s a whole world out there of like-minded individuals who are also into dominance and submission who can offer support, advice, and friendship. Whether it’s online forums, social media groups, or local meet-ups, connecting with a community can make your experience more fun and can also provide you with valuable learning opportunities from more experienced practitioners who have been exploring dominance and submission for years.

How Can Starting a Journal Help Your BDSM Relationship?

A shared journal is a wonderful tool to help you navigate the ins and outs of dominance and submission, especially in the beginning when you are still figuring things out with your partner.

Sometimes, a submissive can find it hard to express their deepest fears, concerns, or desires verbally, especially if they’re worried about disappointing their Dom. A journal provides a private space to articulate these feelings honestly and without immediate pressure. This not only helps the submissive process their emotions but also gives the Dom insight into their partner’s headspace which builds trust and intimacy.

Here’s some other ways a submissive journal can help:

Negotiate Submission Boundaries 

As you gain more experience your boundaries may change - writing down your thoughts on what kind of submission you’re comfortable with or interested in trying can pave the way for more productive discussions with your Dom. If there is fear around trying certain things, writing it down can be a great way to work through it and get to the core reason for feeling that way.

Discuss Scenes

Planning a scene can be as creative as scripting a mini-play. Journaling is a great way to brainstorm ideas, outline scenarios, or reflect on past scenes to enhance your play. It allows you to remember what worked (or didn’t), what you’d like to repeat, and what you’re curious to explore.

Discuss Your Submission Aftercare Needs 

A submissive journal can be a great place to note what types of aftercare work best for you. Whether it’s cuddles, quiet time, or a favorite snack, knowing what helps you recover and reconnect after a submission scene is vital, and sharing this with your Dom ensures they can support you properly.

Journaling Supports Key Aspects of a Dom/Sub Relationship

Journaling can be the supportive backbone in the intricate balance of power between dominance and submission. 

Consent

Power exchanges and submission in BDSM are never forced or coerced. Journaling can help ensure that all activities are always consensual. By documenting agreements and reflecting on sessions, both partners can clearly affirm that all interactions are voluntary and desired.

Communication

Journaling is a way for both Doms and Subs to express their thoughts on boundaries, limits, and safe words. This helps prevent misunderstandings and ensures that communication remains open and effective, even outside of active play sessions.

Contracts

For those who formalize their dynamics with contracts, journaling can complement this by providing a shared space for day-to-day reflections on how each party feels about the agreement. It’s a space to reflect on what’s working in the contract and what might need adjustment, ensuring that the relationship evolves in a healthy, consensual manner.

How to Start a Submissive Journal with Waffle 

Starting a submissive journal on a platform like Waffle can enhance your BDSM relationship by offering a structured yet flexible way to communicate and reflect. 

Here’s how you can begin:

Overcoming the Hurdle of How to Start: Starting anything new can be daunting. Waffle offers prompts to help you make that first entry. These prompts can guide your thoughts and feelings, helping you articulate your experiences, desires, and concerns in a structured way that eases you into the journaling process.

Here’s a sneak peak of the type of prompts you might get:

• What are your favorite types of play? What draws you to them?

• What are your hard limits and why?

• Describe what submission means to you personally.

• Write about a limit you’re curious about pushing.

• Describe a moment you felt truly dominant/submissive.

Privacy Assured with Waffle: Privacy is crucial, especially in the context of something as personal as writing down your BDSM desires. Waffle ensures that your entries are kept private and secure, allowing you to express yourself freely without concern. You can control who sees what, ensuring that your thoughts are shared only with your intended audience.

Waffle is Set Up for the Shared Experience: Waffle allows for a shared journaling experience, which means you and your partner can both contribute and access entries. This setup can be particularly enriching in a D/s relationship as it allows both sides to communicate openly, reflect on shared sessions, and discuss developments in your relationship.

Other Ideas to Start Journaling:

• Start by listing BDSM practices you are interested in with categories like 'Yes' (interested), 'No' (not interested), and 'Maybe' (willing to consider). This gives you both a great starting point of what to try first.

• Use Waffle to detail your fantasies and emotional responses to different scenarios, props, and toys. This not only helps in planning future scenes but allows you to understand what excites, scares, or triggers you and helps to build deep intimacy and trust with your Dom.

Last Thoughts

We hope you’ve enjoyed exploring dominance and submission with us and that you’ll use Waffle to create a beautiful and exciting BDSM journey with your Dom.

Meta Description - Discover how starting a submissive journal for Dom and Sub relationships can enhance communication, trust, and sexual intimacy.